IPOD!!!!

and this.. this is my new baby. this is my pink ipod nano that i only dreamed of having, until grandpa made my dreams come true for my birthday!!!

greetings!

somehow i managed to get my user name by putting in my secondary email address. SO my user name and password got send to that, so now i can once again blog life away!

sorry for the hiatus. trust me, i was going nutzo trying to get on here!

i must update about the wedding, all in due time my dears <3

they shut our house phone off last week. they came to shut the cable off too, but my mom borrowed some money from dave to keep it on. its been rough around here lately. im looking for a second job to help out more around here. i make 90 dollars a week at giant eagle and its getting me nowhere, but i still give my mom money when she needs it. i got ken a job at giant eagle too, except he gets more hours because he is a cart attendant. so good for him and all, but i dont know. im trying. my mom has been depressed because everything is falling apart and so ive been depressed about that, and so many other things going on that its just been rough. just been praying, and hoping things look up. my dad made his bonus at work (thank God up above) and it was just in enough time to save us. my mom and i went around yesterday paying all the places we owed. catching up on bills that were past due. and most importantly, we went food shopping! we havent had food in like a month. haha

my daddies birthday is in 2 days.
mine is in 23.
im not excited to be 22.
my dad is going to be 44.
my dad was my age right now, when i was born.
weeeiiirdd.
that would be like me having a kid now.
even weiiirrdeer. haha


they finally came out with ipod nano's in color. i was looking at the ads from the sunday paper today and saw a pink one! ahh! it is now my goal to get one. ive been waaaiting for them to make color ones. i didnt want a white/black one. i was very excited. i remember being so sad when they discontinued the ipod mini's in colors. i wanted the green one. but now that they have colored ipod nano's, i am one happy girl. and its not too expensive. i can swing $150 for one by mid december!! even on my giant eagle crap pay haha.



thats all for now.
now that the phone is turned back on, i can get online and update more again.



oh. and ps

grandpa! i just wanted to say thank you for what you did for my brother. it meant so much to him, and the rest of my family. it really.. REALLY meant alot to me, as well. im sorry i didnt get to see you while you were here either! my job owns my life. its true. but i hope i get to see you at the wedding! ;)

blahblahhhhhhhh

ahhh.
i swear my life is such a rollercoaster.
things arent so great right now.
i just dont know how to get out of this rut.
i need to just get away and start fresh.
and be around people who are genuine.
bleh.

its my brothers 19th birthday in 20 mins.
my 22nd birthday is in 1 month and 3 days.
oh boy....

jobs n'at

I have a job interview tommorow @ The University of Pittsburgh. Its for the book center. I interviewed there once two years ago, but i really, really want this job, so i applied again. Sure enough, the lady who interviewed me the last time is the one who called, and she also said that she remembers me. I told her i was determined to get this job , haha. If i work there, i can go to Pitt for free. Who wouldnt want a free education from PITT, come on! oh.. the pay is pretty freaking decent too .


So... hopefully i ace this, seeing as its my second time around. Im not nervous this time though. Ive got 2 years of retail under my belt, and that is going to work in my favor. Cross your fingers for me guys!! i really need this one haha.


other than that, same ol crap, different day.



pitt interview: 1 day
driving test: 21 days
:D

i made taco dip today and it is mmm mmm good.
i cannot make much. my cooking skills are.. well.. non-exhistant, to be honest. but here and there i can make little things. i like to bake though. my mom doesnt like it when i bake because i make a mess, and in my oppinion i clean it up well, she begs to differ.

i decided to schedule my appointment for my driving test this month. because, if i dont do it now, i wont do it until winter is over. so hopefully soon, i will have the golden ticket that allows me to drive without my mom or dad in the car!

on friday, i went downtown to dinner with my cousin annie and her friend nicole. we went to a nice chinese restaurant. while we were waiting at a corner to cross the street, some ragged old homeless guy (who was REALLY creepy) got real close to me and asked me if my eyes were really "that green" i told him my eyes were blue and he argued saying they were green. he was seriously creepin me out so i got real close to annie and some semi-cute guy who was also standing at the corner yells at the old guy saying "its called eyeshadow, asshole!" oh. it was amusing. downtown is never a dull moment. but it was good to hang out with annie, i love her bunches. we are going to have a brittish movie night soon and i cant wait!

yup. thats it for now. i know, i lead such an exciting life. [rolls eyes in massive sarcasm]

twist of fate -- perhaps?

Im sick. it was only inevitable since my entire store is sick. Im just coughing [really] really bad. congestion. you know, that whole spiel. I cannot wait until im well again, im killing precious time here sleeping around "dying". Speaking of sleeping ...

... in my attempt to a "feel better nap" two nights ago, my cell phone rang, only to be my cousin samantha. informing me shes pregnant!!! babies all around. i cant wait for uncle joe & aunt stephanie to have their son ! if he is anything like jamie, hes going to be one adorable little boy!!

my puppy got his tooth pulled a few days ago. it was so sad, he was so drugged up when he got home from his surgury he could barely walk. my mom put him in chelseas bed because he sleeps there most of the time. and it broke my heart, because he stood up to get comfortable, move the blankets around to his liking, and he just fell foreward. my poor little muffin. i dont ever want to see him like that again!


i guess thats all ive got for now.
sickness, babies, and drugged pups.
farewell, pray for me that i get well soon, i feel like death

ahhh! andrew!

i went to see a concert of one of my favorite bands the other night.

Jack's Mannequin

oh my lord, were they amazing. just.. ah! the singer was in another band that i adore called Something Corporate. ive been listening to his voice for over 6 years. i last saw him perform with his old band 5 years ago, and he ended up having leukemia and was out for almost 2 years getting treatments, but now hes better. and phenominal. and i being the concert snob that i am, refused to leave that club where the concert was until i met him. and you know what..


mission accomplished !

i was seriously, and i mean this, about to pee my pants meeting him because hes just so amazing. and look how red i was! i was dying inside! he was the nicest guy. and really appreciated his fans, and all of their support through all of his hard times.

ohh. le sigh. im so wonderful having met him.
mr. andrew mcmahon <3

My mom, dad, and two brothers left for camp yesterday morning. My sister left this morning , so now its down to me and my dog sammy to keep watch of the house while they are gone. Im just glad they let sammy stay, id be a little less comfortable without him. Yes, its great having peace and quiet in an empty house, but being completely alone, can play mind tricks on you sometimes! Its cute though, i feel like im being a house wife, doing the dishes, cleaning, taking care of my pup, buying groceries! It makes me miss living on my own alittle, but then i remember how well that ended up and reality sets in that living here is pretty damn sweet. Plus.. i love my family so so much, i like being close to them. My last apartment was .. oh.. 4 mins away, and i still felt far from them. So thats what stands as of now, sam is sleeping and im eating leftover pizza like a true 21 year old manning the fort.

I got "upgraded" at work, so to speak. I was a cashier but now i work in the the floral department, and i couldnt love it any more! Its very very similar to when i worked at the history center. I made a bunch of pretty arrangements , and learned how to make corsages. I started this morning at 8am. I being the brightest person that i am stayed up all night playing super mario on super nintendo.. and got two hours of sleep. I woke up at 7:22, and almost had a heart attack because i had to walk to work and i slept in. To top it all off, hurricane/tropical storm/pain in my ass urnesto whats his name decided to torrential down pour RIGHT as i was leaving. I walked into work, soaked, half asleep, and a bit cranky. Ahh, i love it. ;)

Im gonna head out, for the time being, i promised the best friend that i would meet her when she was done with work (we work together :p ) Lord knows i need the exericise anyways!


peace, love, and hot drummers
steff

My best friend and i are quickly growing apart. i dont even know really how it got to this point. Shes been my best friend for years, and my cousin for 18.. Her life revolves around her boyfriend, mine revolves around just trying to get by. Going through each day hoping that something doesnt crush me or force me to fall asleep crying because of everything going on with my family , and school, and.. everything. And she gets everything handed to her on a silver platter. I dont really know whats going to come of me and her.


I spend a portion of almost every day with my friend Jenn. Shes always been someone who i had way too much in common with , its just easy, and comfortable with her. something tells me that this may be a factor in my deteriorating friendship with my cousin. its just so much easier to stick with someone who can relate to me so well, and thats jenn.



in other news, i went to a party with jenn a few nights ago, and half of my dads employees were there. one of them, who is by all means a "stud" , decided that we should makeout. whoa! whats going on here. i go years without being noticed, and then i graduate highschool and people see me? i mean, HEY, im not complaining! its just odd to me sometimes. here and there i have to blink to see if im dreaming, haha. oh my. ups and downs, strikes and gutterballs, per usual.




ciao lovers, until we meet again...

blah blah blah

WELL. as i suspected, i lost all my classes because my financial aid was not in, in time. so i have to go reschedule. no big, i just probably wont get the same times. Im not all that upset about it because its a problem easily fixed. I got the cutest messanger bag for school, though. im going to look so college, ha (yeah right, people in college dont believe in makeup, that is one trend-wagon i will NOT be hopping on). reguardless, im still just as anxious about my long awaited arrival back into the world of education.


tonight i am going to Matrix (a club) at station square. Ive been quite a few times, and it has always been a blast. my friends and i partake in the 80's room the most. It is such a wonder that i love 80's music because years ago i despised it. I cant imagine that in a few decades i will be as in love with "todays music" as i am with 80's music, now. But Matrix should be fun. Im going with my friends Jenn, Josh, and MAYBE Alan, if he decides to not fall back on his word. I printed out free passes to get in because i am just slick like that, so no cover charges for us :D


Im going to leave you all with this last little comment..
Biore Pore Perfect Strips = AMAZING.
for clogged pores, they are definately the way to go ;)



ciao loves

girls just wanna have fun

scratch that.

ive spent the past two nights with that boy.
and im smitten.
and hes a good kisser.
and im so giddy.
:p

$$$

Meh. i finally scheduled my classes. great, right? no. i, doing this school thing all on my own, have to come up with 30% of my tuition by August 2nd. My financial aid wont be processed by then. I can come up with about 2/3 of said 30%. I could either be screwed, and lose my classes, or suck up my pride and ask to borrow it from my Aunt (whos been helping with all of my financial aid && fafsa) for a loan. Then id have to bust some serious ass giant eagle style to pay her back until i get my aid. Then i will be reimbursed from the school.

i have to keep reminding myself that this will all be worth it in 10 years when i wont have to work at a grocery store anymore. until then, ive got a long journey ahead of me.

in other news, much better and enjoyable news..

There is a boy at work, Alan. He always has a big cute smile on his face, and i love it. Hes tall, 24, graduated from my highschool, and so DAMN nice i cant even stand it. We have already been "scolded" twice for talking to much. Managers can call it talking, everyone else at work is calling it flirting. I love it ;) He asked me to come to the bar where he DJ's tonight. I told him id try, leaving a little suspence his way, but knew i wanted to soooo bad! Sadly ,im being a loner and sitting at home on my computer on a friday night because the whole 2 friends that i have who are of age, wont answer my calls. My friends are awesome.... not.

So, no cute boy tonight. OR bar shenanigans. Just.. sitting around watching Serendipity wondering if im going to get through the financial part of school.



Peace out. :/

People make me sick..

My brother Ken and myself have always been pretty close. Hes a sweet kid when it comes down to it. We both share a huge love for music. I have a passion for booking tours, promoting bands, putting on shows. He the musician, self taught the bass for the past 4 years. We always say that once he started something up, he would be set because ive been working in the business ever since i was in LadyFox Productions 3 years ago. Playing bass became his life, even working his graduation project around it. He was getting a band together and left his equipment (his bass, his amp, and microphone) over his friends house where said band practiced. Well.. last night someone stole his bass and amp. One of the few times ive ever seen my brother cry so hard. As soon as my mom told me i started crying too, mostly because i know how much that bass meant to him. He cried himself to sleep. My 18 year old brother cried himself to sleep ; and that breaks my heart.

Whenever things like this happen, it makes me sick to my stomache. It makes me want to homeschool my kids and keep them sheltered away from all of the bad people out in the world. It almost makes me crazy because i start wishing we lived in a bubble and no one could harm us. The small suburb i live in, is anything but ideal. Its a bad place. really.. Its turning into a slum of drugs and rape. The more i think about it the more i hate living here. Brentwood "used" to be a quiet family oriented safe community. My sister Chelsea still has 3 years left in that highschool, but i think we should move. Bleh.

situations, situations...


If i did not have school tuition & expensive books to pay for, i would help my brother get a new bass. All i can offer him is a job where i work. Which, in the meantime, would be something good for him because it will keep him busy , and also help him save for a new one. I just hope everything works itself out.

It never really gets any easier having to watch someone get over you so quickly. Or.. replace you with no second thought.

I always get like this after i watch a movie with a cute happy ending, or finish a book of the same nature. Then of course i get bitter towards everyone who seems to be happy, but such is life. More important that feeling rejected because im apparantly so damn easy to get over, i am very relieved and glad that im home from my trip. A trip full of ups & downs, strikes & gutterballs. Spending time with my grandpa was great. Uncle Joe and Aunt Stephanie saved us from popcan hell for 3 of the 5 nights. Now if only we could have left my cousin Sam back at my Grandpas house, it would have been the ultimate. Beggers cant be choosers my mom always says. I cant wait until i get my license so i can go and visit Uncle Joe, Aunt Stephanie, and Jamie more often. I wish they lived closer.

im exhuasted. and full prepared to sleep in my bed for the first time in 2 weeks.
ciao, loves