USPS +++

Im basically obsessed with snail mail.
Email is so far from personal.
If I write you a letter then you are getting so much more of me.
I currently have about 7 "pen pals"
Annie being one. I miss her.
Live it up in London miss love, you'll be home before you know it.

I have no money and a plane ticket to las vegas for may 12-17.
How I am going to pull this trip off on a giant eagle budget is beyond me,
but I really have never truly lived. No airplane rides. No leaving my beloved east coast.
No stepping out of my comfort zone.
The trip is for Amandas 21st Birthday.
Im going to shine when I get through it.

I miss my mother. More importantly who she used to be.
I would be lying if I said we are getting along fine without her.
My dad gets mad a lot easier these days. And I'm not fit to be a mom.
Not to brothers and a sister who don't find it appropriate to follow rules their sister create.
I clean this house every day and not a one of them care to keep it clean.
I am surely wearing thin.
However, my sister and I had a heart to heart a few days ago,
She cried to me. Thanked me for always taking care of her.
And thanked me for never leaving her, knowing I never will either.
I can safely say I would be nothing with my sister.


I cant get no satisfaction

My moodswings have been through the roof lately.
I dont even have a reason most of the time.
I am so sick of living like this.
I wish it would just get better.



My Christmas wasn't what I had expected. I guess I never really estimated how much my parents getting a divorce would do to me. I thought I was stronger than I really am. But things have been a downward spiral since I lost my job at Pitt... and bottling all of my emotions up mixed with my anxiety made me snap.

So on Christmas night I did what I have been thinking about doing for years. And overdosed. I called my friend Nick after I did it, and to be honest I dont even remember it. I can only believe God wanted me to live. Because Nick called my cousin Amanda, who then rushed to my house with my Aunt and took me to Mercy Hospital. I spent three days there, and now I have two weeks of intensive outpatient group therapy. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, now having to take the anti-depressant Celexa every day. I hate my group therapy. It is awful, restoring my faith has been much better for me. I spend every sunday with my church and it feels good to have faith.

I miss my mom. Shes breaking my heart every day, but I am learning I cannot control what she does even if she is ruining her life. I will continue to be here for my family, despite how incredibly hard it is. Jesus will help me through this.

Grandpa, I just want you to know you are in my prayers.


newest baby

say hello to the newest edition of my pink obsession. my new phone. the lg strawberry chocolate. it will go nicely with my pink ipod and pink nintendo ds. :D



I went to go make a new blog since i couldnt remember how to log into this one, and it told me that i already had an account with my email. so i got my password emailed to me. and here i am.




and this.. this is my new baby. this is my pink ipod nano that i only dreamed of having, until grandpa made my dreams come true for my birthday!!!



somehow i managed to get my user name by putting in my secondary email address. SO my user name and password got send to that, so now i can once again blog life away!

sorry for the hiatus. trust me, i was going nutzo trying to get on here!

i must update about the wedding, all in due time my dears <3